?

Log in

outta me [entries|friends|calendar]
grimly ashley

[ userinfo | livejournal userinfo ]
[ calendar | livejournal calendar ]

[08 Sep 2004|11:07pm]
my most anticipated love essay.Collapse )
2 comments|post comment

life. [08 Sep 2004|02:48pm]
i am in the midst of compiling my essay on love.
not that i really expect anybody to care, but it shall reveal all my deepest, darkest secrets...
yeah, im quoting conor.
yesterday night, or, more so, this morning, it finally hit me. my break down. crying felt so good. at first.
all day today ive been 'fighting back the tears,' as a certain mr skiba would say. and quite unsuccessfully.
i hate girls. i really do. i have yet to become so emotionally and mentally attatched to a boy. i jsut, i am not ok.
i feel cheated, wronged, hurt, crushed, betrayed, lied to, led on, foolish, gullible, ridiculous, guilty, sad, pestimistic.
i want to be lied to.
i would love to be lied to.
and it wasnt like it was her fault. i ...lied to myself, let myself believe something far fetched and very untrue.
its all my fault.
and ive done it before.
adn ill do it again.
and it will always be my fault.

i get to close tonight at work. at least its a distracton.
not that i could ever be truly distracted, as wehre i think about everything that deals with it every fucking second of every fucking minute of every fucking hour, etc.
then i have a good 4 hours of english homework.
im passing ap stats with a 75. ive turned in one imcolete homework assignment, but kicked ass on a quiz. we took a test. i couldnt concentrate.
2 comments|post comment

[08 Sep 2004|02:02am]
i am not ok.
but nobodies around.

oh the irony. it kills.
goodnight.
4 comments|post comment

[07 Sep 2004|11:27pm]
[ mood | horrible. ]

i think im about to post something that i am really, really goign to regret. infact, i know i am. here i go, lets fuck up everything, shall we?
this is all about you.Collapse )

15 comments|post comment

they mispelt fiend, but its close enough. [05 Sep 2004|07:22pm]
Popular interests among thedeadlive's friends
1. alkaline trio (12) 11. photography (6)
2. art (8) 12. taking back sunday (6)
3. bright eyes (8) 13. punk (5)
4. matt skiba (8) 14. rocky horror (5)
5. dan andriano (7) 15. tattoos (5)
6. the faint (7) 16. the smiths (5)
7. derek grant (7) 17. hot water music (5)
8. writing (7) 18. donnie darko (5)
9. brand new (7) 19. music (5)
10. the cure (6) 20. poetry (5)
Interests gestalt
My most interesting friend is singsingstatic who has 15 of these interests,
followed by hergunfight (15), dokodemo_honey (13) and playdeaddear (12).
Normality Index
My friends are 52.8% normal.
Analyze me !
Username:
Popular interests created by _imran_
4 comments|post comment

keep fishin if you feel it too [05 Sep 2004|05:49pm]
[ mood | tired. ]

oh, what is there to say? nothing. nohting at all.
life is annoying.
lack of sleep, long boring day at work equals bleak outlook on my pathetic, go nowhere life.
its when yorue down that all those things that your parents tell you really start to grab a hold of your mind, and you start to believe. i hope my mom doenst come home soon. taht would suck so bad right now. more so than usual.
i should be doing homework. what is my problem?
tuesday, varia and i arragned a little golden corral get together at chinatown buffet. (best chinese food ever) anferny and lauri are coming too. thats something to look forward to, right? and then theres my check tomorrow. thats cool.
i, ofcourse, plan on taking my loveface out for a romantic little rondayvoo (like how i spelt that?) at a pleasent little palce i like to call 'adult hardcore xxx hot girly girl on girl p[censored]y club.'
danzig will be softly playing in the background...

10 comments|post comment

yeah so [03 Sep 2004|03:07pm]
[ mood | accomplished ]

I just typed up my first reviews for our school newspaper… and uh, in the words of the descendents: Read more...Collapse )
in other news:
I skipped first and second period with kc this morning, oh my god, it was so much fun. We got a bunch of junk food and I drove her van around and I would slow down and honk at joggers and we couldnt stop laughing at the stupidest shit. Or at least I couldn’t. then I had a good time in ap econs, and im having a good time now here in study skills, its been a good day. I really good day.
However, something keeps on gnawing at the back of my conscious. Ive missed 3 b days. And were 3 weeks into school. What the fuck is wrong with me? Im failing so many classes, but I don’t really care.
Fred moore, here I come. (oh, fm is a “highschool” were kids go to make up lsot credits via …absentses and …stuff. Its uh, its not something you should be really proud of going to)

17 comments|post comment

i can sell my body if i wanna, god you knows you already sold your mind. [02 Sep 2004|08:35pm]
[ mood | tired ]

im on a girl band kick, and its taking over my infected brain. not that im complaining. all im trying to say is i love girls. thats all.
on a tangent to taht, dont need you by bk is...i guess youd call it a theme song? i love it. i love the defiance of it. oh man, it sends the shivers up the spine.

today, in ad des, i had a heart attack. i was making my bk icon, right? and anna asks me, out of the blue, if ive seen the heathers.
!
dsa;ljfasddskaj;fjads ;adsoihf damn yeha i have! that is so rad, shes the first person, asides from emily, that has seen it, and loves it as much as i do! damn yeah motherfuckers.

so, im a bit worried about this ani difranco concert, and the possiblilty of not going. im tyring to grasp on to some sort of positive aspect... i guess that means i wont have to pay 118 dollars for a bus ticket to new orleans. d;salkjfasd;;oidasfh ;adsjk i really dont think i want to go by myself.

i also did my two reviews for my school newspaper. i probalby should have read cd reviews before hand, but i got really lazy. anywyas, record hop, of course kicked ass, and the futrue sound track for america comp was pretty rad too. its how i heard my first sleater kinney song, so i am turly indebted to it.
i also let anna listen to that sk song, and then to some bk, and she liked them! she liked the sk more, and i can see why. (Shes into more melodic tunes) and she really likes the trio!
see what happens when kcs not at school? im forced to talk to people. i guess im pretty ok with that today.
speaking of frineds of hte flesh, i drove today, and tried to hangout with shinnsys, but she spat in my eye, told me she had college freinds to hang outiwth, and kicked my liver. she actaully took oyt my liver and then kciked it.

16 comments|post comment

you dont know me - but ya owe me. [01 Sep 2004|10:25pm]
[ mood | anxious ]

money, taht is. give it to me. i need it more than you! oh record player, youll soon be mine. and by soon i mean, ...unsoon. yes, unsoon.

yeah so, muhrizzuh called me today. good times, you bitches, you dont even know what the fuck is going to hit you when we fucking release our ...secret project out on your sorry asses!
dudes, it was so sad, shes got all these stories, like that one hitch hiking to sacremento (or was it sarcremento?) with her 35 year old friend/bum and meeting and hanging out with kevin seconds on the alst his coffee shop was opened, or getting kicked in teh back by kkk members, disguised as cops, with spikes on the heels of their boots, and then getting up, bleeding form her spinal chords, spitting in their eyes and then doing a line of cocaine off of theri skinned scalps.
where as i was like, dude, check this out. - once i helped emily sneak into a 17 and up show. cuase, you konw, that ho is ONLY 16. (she used her school idea, they never suspected that a senoir could be so young. ha! jokes on them!)
eventually, all good things must end, and my mom made me get off. i thoguht we had talked for like 45 mins at the most, but daaammn jeana, try an hour and a half! i hope she gets good national rates...or im gonna like... feel grizzly inside.

im tired. fuck you hoz, im going to bed.

p.s. i messed around with my xanga tonight, i think taht you sir (rachel) should go read it. if you dont have the link... then you suck, mr buttfuck. and will jsut have to wait.

12 comments|post comment

so she too out a knife and said off with my head [31 Aug 2004|10:18pm]
youve got poison in your ear.

i think ive found a new obsession. you know, i hope this isnt going to be one of those times when i hear a REALLY kick ass song by a girl band and then cant find their fucking cd ANYWERE. i.e. discount, ballgagger... im sure theres more. fucking interpunk, that still fucking pisses me off. BITCHES I STILL WANT MY BALLGAGGER CD!! (if i knew how to make the font fuckin huge, i would have.) give it to me. fucking now! that song was so good... detroit. if you can, download it. and take out a knife and dont need proof that i exist.
im gonna go research this sleater kinney band. and request seasick (my favorite record shop) to get it for me. somehow.

sing me something good this time.
9 comments|post comment

in their material world [31 Aug 2004|06:42am]
[ mood | sleepy ]

you guys.
im gonna go live in the tower of london.

kthxbi.

6 comments|post comment

because i married my sister... [29 Aug 2004|08:29pm]
[ mood | sick ]

oh god, im still ill.
;dshfa;fh i love making that reference. but seriously, its true. this morning, when i woke up at kcs, my lungs hurt so bad. i mean, this past week, theyve been givng me trouble, but damn jeana, this sucked. now i cant stop coughing and ive got a fever again. oh lord, im finally giving in and am going to a doctors.
fuckin doctors, what the fuck do they know?
dklsfh;ahahah, ive grown so apathetic towards customers at work now. i use to be like...overly mannered and attentative and the way all these rude as fuck consumer whores use to treat me really use to upset me. now? ;dosakhfhaha oh my god, i think that if i saw me, i would die laughing. i think i used the word 'sir' once today. maybe twice. i dont even look at them anymore, theyre all teh same. and i stuck my fingers in so many drinks,towards teh end of my nine hour shift people jsut kept on getting meaner and meaner and meaner.
im beat, smell ya fuckin later.

10 comments|post comment

i never figured rachel for a child of satanic archery. [26 Aug 2004|11:07pm]
[ mood | still ill ]

oh my god, i feel much more sick than i have felt all day! its from too much anarchy, as you may see on shinnsys lj. i like hanigng out with shinnsys, shes a QT!121!!! but let me get one thing straight, and one thing only, she told me taht if i kissed her, rachel would suddenly just, you know... be birthed... out of her ass. i didnt buy it at first, but then i got desperate and did it, despite my better judgement.
im still waiting for my little rachel.

oh gahd, im tired! but i just remembered that fucking ap stats shit i need to do. maybe, instead of telling the kids around me (all two of them) that i hate life in study skills, maybe i should, i dont knwo, actaully do work.

jpft;lekastjpfttt! im pulling your legs guys, come on. would i ever do my work? ever? hell no.
and thats why im gonna get to go to highschool for another year!

in other news, i have discovered that my art/paint abilities have gone down hill. do i blame myself? no, no i dont. i blame the alcohol, drugs, cash money hoz, this apple core thats been in this giant glass jar for two days perched next to me...(i was going to preserve it like a brain, right? but then i realized that i didnt have any preservatives! silly me!) skiba. but most of all, i blame rachel. rachel rachel rachel, lets see how many more fucking times i can fuckign say her goddman name. rachel.

i have brought you pictures for your amusment.
allnarchyCollapse )

pfuckins: rahcel, never send me anything from the streets ever again. please.

8 comments|post comment

grimly miserable [26 Aug 2004|05:38am]
[ mood | grimly sick ]

i hate life.
but i love the labirynth!
yes kids, yes, you can finally be my friend, for i have finally bought a copy of hte labirynth. watching it takes me back. i can still almsot hear angela's cackles vibrating the floor durring the danse scene, speciifally when the mumpets start floating.

the end? the best part. it evokes such a good feeling.
its 5 41, and im going back to bed.
tell my wife i love her very much. she knows.

11 comments|post comment

your arms are callin out [24 Aug 2004|11:52am]
look at what boredom has reduced me to over the past two days!
http://www.xanga.com/home.aspx?user=allogistic
some day i will learn how to customize my lj.

and not only that, but now all my pcitures are organized! i have subfolders for subfolders! death!

i dotn give a fuck, im going back to school tomorrow. this sucks.
4 comments|post comment

excuse me for being jealous [24 Aug 2004|10:13am]
[ mood | melodramatic to the core! ]

EVERYBODYS LIVIN IT UP!! kdfa;sjfl ahhhhhh!!! everybodys got their little stories to tell, and whta the fuck do i got? brown mucus! thats fucking what! ahdas;kjlfah asd; hdsf;ai hate life.

proofCollapse )

12 comments|post comment

ground control to major tom [23 Aug 2004|01:49pm]
[ mood | sick ]

ashaxander and the horribly terrible, no good, very bad day.
thats probalby very, very wrong. however, it has been a very, very long time since ive read that book. im sick! give me pity! i feel horribly miserable. i want to go back to bed, but i had quite a few topis of discussion to converse over, but now rachel is missing and all i wanted to do was send her a love song. is that so much to ask?!
but back to me me me. my throooat is destroying my will to live. i get my first pay check today, but all i feel like doing is lying in a cozy little dark room with a billion blankets and having some movie lull me to sleep. that sounds so good right now.
i still havent bought any school supplies.
tell my wife i love her very much. she knows.

12 comments|post comment

fuck me gently with a chainsaw [22 Aug 2004|11:51pm]
[ mood | sick ]

and go watch the heathers.

now.

10 comments|post comment

lactose free [22 Aug 2004|02:17pm]
so, i was sitting around on the internet and got to thinking about my vegan quesadilla i had jsut ate, and then i got to thinking about peanut butter, and then i got to wondering what peanut butter on a tortilla would taste like. not too shabby kids. i like to call it the peanutbutterdilla.

la peanutbutterdillaCollapse )
7 comments|post comment

land of the what? [21 Aug 2004|11:32pm]
[ mood | brains awake, bodies dead. ]

cliche cliche, this i know! however, the title fits the link: http://aolsvc.news.aol.com/elections/article.adp?id=20040821121209990012

closing for work was... get ready for this bitch, f u n . i mean, with anferny and varia, how could it not be, right?
varia and i made up this whole nerdfest thing, the berlin corral. weve got a secret handshake and everything! then we drew pictures of stick figures hanging themselves, with the phrase "i love work" as its theme.
oh, and another thing, we had a music discussion and i was all like, 'so, do you like david bowie?' and she was all like, 'ewww, no.' and i was like 'bitch u fink ur slik?' AND then, later that day, changes came on and i was like, 'u herr diz zong ho?' and she was like, 'yeah.' and i was like, 'thats the bowie dude. do you like it?' and she was like, 'really? oh my god, shut up. i do!' and then she asked me to burn my cd of his for her.
and i told her id get on that shit when i could.

my feetsies are in agony! shinnsys had better appriecate the shit i go through for her ho ass. 10 1/2 hours i put in for that ho.
im so stoked! the shinnsanator, here in the DTX-O! i hope she finds the idea of hanging out and listening to music anarhcistic and fun. cause uh, thats all i do. or thats all i use to do! now im some ho ass zobie to the man!

djsa'ofkjdsa oph poja oh snap! i drink as much dr pepper as i want to at work, and its all free! bhahaha oh my god, i was on such a cafeine high at work, it happened twice. varia and i would sing around the customers and get some craysee azz looks and wed be like 'wut? wut?' only not so much. and after we closed, we told jokes on the intercome and i kept on singing new york, new york

oh my god, im totally boring you, arent i? im sorry. i shall leave with this in mind, imgetting up at 6 am to do a bit of homework and talk to my little rachel.
alright, you caugt me, im getting up at 6 to hit on my little rachel, and thats it.

11 comments|post comment

navigation
[ viewing | most recent entries ]
[ go | earlier ]